Do you know the difference between a dream and a fantasy?
Let me ask you another way…
Have you ever wanted something, decided you were going to do it, maybe tried it for a while, and the next thing you know, it fell by the wayside?
We all have, and it highlights the difference between the two.
In the late 90’s, I was living in San Francisco trying to figure out exactly what to do with my life after tennis.
So, I came up with a brilliant idea…
I’d become a bartender where I could meet a lot of people (attractive women), enjoy some of the nightlife, learn a new skill, and make a ton of money.
There were only two problems.
- I had no idea how to bartend.
- I didn’t drink alcohol. I never had.
The first obstacle was easily remediated by going to bartending school. So, I enrolled in a program in downtown San Francisco, and after seven weeks, I graduated as a certified bartender.
The second obstacle proved to be my undoing.
In my first job interview, the bar owner asked me to name three types of tequila and three types of vodka.
I had nothing. Having never had any kind of tequila or vodka in my life, I came up with blanks.
Noticing my lack of experience, the owner offered to make me a barback where I could spend several months learning from other bartenders and eventually move up in the ranks.
I thought, “You mean I have to work for this?!”
That was the last interview I ever had and the last time I thought about bartending.
Then, I dove into anatomy, physiology, biomechanics, and found a guy named Pete Egoscue, who was the foremost expert on posture and pain in the world.
I worked for him for FREE for three months before he finally hired me at a very meager salary as an exercise therapist.
But it didn’t matter. I was hooked, and I knew it was what I was meant to do.
26 years later, I’m still doing it.
I’ve also added my other dreams – speaking, and life and executive coaching.
That’s the difference between a dream and a fantasy…
A fantasy is something you imagine and hope for. A dream is something you imagine and work for.
Gap Insight: We all have goals, dreams, and aspirations. The gap between the ones we’ve already achieved and those we desire to achieve in the future have ONE common ingredient…
The Missing Ingredient
Maybe you were planning to write a book, embark on a completely different career path, enhance your leadership skills, or deepen a relationship.
Then, for whatever reason, like an 80’s song that gradually descends into a fade-out, your dream disappeared and was replaced by the thought years later, “If only I could have stuck it out.”
The reason most people don’t achieve their dreams isn’t because they don’t want it badly enough, don’t know enough, haven’t found the ideal mentor, or lack the perfect plan.
Those things matter, but they aren’t what ultimately separates those who transform their lives from those who simply talk about it.
There’s a final ingredient that most people miss.
Going all in.
Manifesting your dreams into reality isn’t about wanting them more or wishing for them to come true.
It’s about commitment.
Take it from Abraham Lincoln, who once said, “Commitment is what transforms a promise into a reality.”
Gap Insight: You’ve gone “all in” many times in your life. Simply look back on your greatest accomplishments and you’ll see that commitment isn’t just for the disciplined few, it’s a hat you’ve already worn many times.
Burn the Boats
Matt Damon recently spoke about preparing for his role as Odysseus. He didn’t just learn his lines impeccably. He dove into months of disciplined strength and sword training, changed his nutrition, and reshaped his body to become believable as one of history’s greatest warriors.
Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan took 1,000 practice shots every single day.
Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “I hate Plan B. Every thought that you put into Plan B, you’re taking away that thought and that energy from Plan A”.
The guy who became the world’s best bodybuilder, then Hollywood’s biggest action star followed by the Governator, believes success requires 100% dedication to your dreams (Plan A) without the presence of a safety net to catch you if you fail.
It’s a fact that great performances and tremendous accomplishments rarely happen by accident – neither do great lives, inspiring leadership, or fulfilling relationships.
They happen through total commitment – the opposite of half-assing it in its numerous forms:
“I’ll try.” “We’ll see.” “When life slows down.” “I don’t feel like it right now.”
All in.
There’s a saying that if you want to take the island, burn the boats you came in on.
Or call it what it is – a fantasy, not a dream.
Gap Insight: The hardest part about total commitment is that going all in doesn’t just require that you do something different. It requires that you become someone different.
3 Reasons Most People Don’t Commit
1. Fear of feeling like a failure
If you go all in and fail, that would be a bummer, but there are worse things than failing.
Most people end their dream quest because they’re trying to avoid feeling like a failure, rather than a fear of failing.
If this is you, it helps to answer this question:
What would you do if you knew you could not fail and there was nothing wrong with you if you did?
Sit with that for a minute and you might tap into your passion, purpose, and a reason to pursue your dream.
2. Your ego wants a guarantee
Going all in and hoping that it will all work out in the end requires a leap of faith. A leap most people won’t risk.
Your ego wants to know it will all be worth it, that it will all work out, and that you’ll be guaranteed of success if you put in all the time, energy, money, or effort.
There is no guarantee. There’s only the leap in the form of total commitment.
- Thomas Edison didn’t know for sure he’d find a way to invent the world’s first lightbulb.
- The scientists at NASA didn’t know for sure they’d successfully create a shuttle that would land on the moon.
If you don’t take the leap, you’ll never know what you could have accomplished.
3. You have to change
There’s a truth we all live by: If we want anything to change in our lives, we have to change first.
That means you need to be willing to shift a habit or a belief, overcome a personal challenge, or be willing to shift your identity as someone who has total commitment to their dreams.
That’s scary for some. We spend most of our lives carefully protecting our identities.
The remedy is to answer this question honestly:
What will it cost you if you DON’T change?
The answer might just provide the fuel you need to keep moving forward.
Gap Insight: Not committing to something isn’t a sign there’s something wrong with you. It’s a sign that thing might not align with who you’re becoming, or where your soul intends for you to go.
Final Thoughts
I invite you to sit with one final question…
If you truly went all in on one thing for the next twelve months…what could your life become?
What might become of total dedication and commitment to your relationship, leadership, health, or work?
Every week I write about The Gap – the space between where you are and where you want to be.
We often think that gap is filled with more information. Another book, podcast, strategy, a new guru, or revelation.
But I’ve come to believe that most gaps aren’t closed by knowledge. They’re closed by action and commitment.
They’re closed the moment we stop keeping one foot safely planted in the life we’ve outgrown…
And decide in body, heart, and soul to GO ALL IN.
P.S. If someone you know is chasing a dream, please forward this to them. It might just be the push they need to keep going, and you might have played a part in changing their lives or even the world.
Yours in health and total commitment, David
