I had a moment the other day where I caught myself saying, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”
You know that one? Where you’re technically functioning… but your shoulders are somewhere near your ears and your jaw’s doing its own workout.
That’s usually a clue something’s not as “fine” as we’d like to believe.
Emotional intelligence is great… Notice the emotion, be non-judgmental, name it, and move on.
That part’s actually pretty easy.
The harder part (the part most people skip!) is actually feeling it, which is the only way to truly process ANY emotion, and something that isn’t usually talked about when referencing EI.
Leadership training teaches people to recognize the emotion (an intellectual exercise), name it (also intellectual), and move on (bury the energy). The idea is that strong leaders keep everything under control.
Here’s the problem with that approach: Recognizing an emotion isn’t the same as feeling it. You can say, “I’m frustrated” or “I’m anxious” — great. That’s step one. But that’s still happening up in your head.
Real understanding comes when you actually let yourself feel it. Feel the energy, the actual presence of it.
Notice where it sits, how big it is, what color, texture and shape. Feeling it allows the energy to dissipate without burying it. Recognizing it only temporarily disconnects you from the feeling.
And this is where most leaders (honestly, most people) get stuck.
Feeling, Not just Thinking
Feeling an emotion fully doesn’t mean reacting impulsively or losing control. It means acknowledging and sensing the energy of it, noticing where it shows up in your body, and sitting with the feeling until it moves through you.
Emotional energy is like any other energy in the sense that eventually, it will change form if you let it.
If you don’t feel it and let it move through you, the energy accumulates and is purged via lashing out at a co-worker or a loved one, rash decision making, burnout, or a health condition.
Try this: the next time frustration hits, pause for a minute. Close your eyes, take three deep breaths, and tune into your body. You might notice heat in your face, pressure in your chest, or tightness in your hands. Sit with it. Let it exist without needing to “fix” it immediately. That pause is where growth lives.
Healing vs. Fixing
I constantly hear people confusing personal growth with having to fix themselves. “I need to be calmer, more patient, more efficient”. And if I’m being honest, I think we’ve missed the mark with that idea. Nothing’s really broken here. We just haven’t been listening.
Your emotions are the gateway. When you allow yourself to sit with your emotions, you develop depth, empathy, and clarity. True resilience isn’t about escaping discomfort. It’s about learning how to stay present with it.
A Simple Way to Start
- Close your eyes and acknowledge the emotion.
- Allow yourself to experience the emotion fully – be it anger, frustration, grief, worry, or whatever arises.
- Once the energy has cleared, ask yourself what the emotion might be trying to tell you.
- Then decide what action makes sense after the feeling has been FELT and acknowledged.
It sounds simple. But in a world that encourages us to move faster and feel less, it’s surprisingly powerful.
Leaders who actually feel their emotions don’t just perform better, they connect better, too! They build trust naturally, read people with empathy, and make clearer decisions when challenges hit.
They also feel more grounded in the decisions they make – even the ones that need to be made at a moment’s notice.
When your mind, body, and heart are aligned, it shows, and it lifts the whole team, shaping how people work, collaborate, and thrive together.
If this resonates, and you’d like to know how to align yourself with success at every level, or you wish to learn how to turn your emotions into your biggest leadership advantage, I’m always happy to have a conversation.
Book a discovery call here and we’ll talk.
