Personal sacrifice isn’t in your contract, though it may feel that way
Leaders often sacrifice their physical, mental, or emotional health for the sake of achievement or to support their businesses and their teams.
But sacrifice always comes at a cost – that’s the nature of sacrifice.
Burnout, high amounts of stress, strain on personal relationships, missing out on family dinners or their kids’ soccer games, little time for friends, lack of exercise, scarce personal time, vacations that feel too short no matter how long they last, brain fog, irritability, sleep disruption, health troubles, exhaustion, and diminishing satisfaction at work can be common and seem unavoidable.
If any of these symptoms of sacrifice sound familiar, you’re not alone, and you’re not destined to live with them forever.
While it may seem like these things routinely go hand-in-hand with a high-stakes position, they don’t. They’re neither perks of the job nor bullet-points in your contract.
They’re choices.
So, if you feel like you’ve been a martyr to your job, it might be time to assess some of the choices you’re making and why you’re making them.
Gap Insight: A martyr is someone who sacrifices themselves for a cause. The question is how much sacrifice is really necessary, and is it a healthy or sustainable long-term solution?
Beliefs Are Not Always Facts
I recently coached a CEO who loves his career and makes the kind of money that if he retired today and never worked again, he’d still live comfortably.
Despite his professional success, he frequently missed out on dinner with his family, saw his kids for maybe a few hours on the weekends, hardly ever spent time with his friends, and all his health markers – sleep health, heart health, emotional health, relationship health – were waving red flags.
I asked him when he found time for exercise. He said hardly ever (never) because he’s too busy. He goes to work too early and comes home too late.
“Aren’t you the boss?” I asked. He replied, “Yes, but I have to set an example. If I don’t show up for work on time and stay late, it gives my employees and teams the message they don’t have to either.”
Hmmmm, I thought. There’s an underlying belief to examine.
I said, “If you absolutely HAD to find time to exercise or spend more time with family, could you?” Without hesitation, he said, “Yeah, of course.”
My next question was, “Do you want to?” He said, “Absolutely.”
His answer highlighted the fact that it wasn’t that he couldn’t find time for exercise or more family time on a regular basis, but that he was making a choice.
He was choosing work first over everything, not because exercise, more energy, and time with family weren’t appealing, but because of an operating belief that if he didn’t, his employees would rebel and the business would tank.
We often confuse beliefs for facts. Long held convictions like his can create positive results in one area of your life, but wreak havoc on others, as was the case here.
I asked him one last question. “If you don’t have your health or your close relationships, what are you left with at the end of the day?” “Not much,” he replied.
“What if you found a way to have it all – money, professional success, health, family, and free time?”
He said, “That would be amazing.” And that was the work we set out to do for the next few weeks as I showed him how to design a plan to create more balance in his life.
Gap Insight: Work/life balance isn’t the same for everyone, and it isn’t about everything in your life occupying equal time. It’s about acknowledging what you’ve been prioritizing so you can intentionally redirect your time and attention.
Steps to Create Balance
A sustainable work/life balance doesn’t happen by accident. It requires conscious intention.
Use these four questions as guides to create more balance in your life.
1. What are you missing out on?
Good health, a sense of aliveness, family, friends, exercise, personal time, travel, fun?
I’ve worked with leaders and high achievers who have sacrificed one or all of these things, and more, for the sake of achievement, but when they pin down what they’re really missing out on, the path becomes clearer.
Take a moment and write down what you’re missing.
2. What’s your operating belief underneath?
Many leaders assume:
- They can’t have it all.
- If they step back even a little, their teams will be less supported, the company won’t succeed, or they can’t make as much money.
- Sacrifice comes with the job.
None of these things need to be true, but leaders often make them unbreakable laws.
Once you pinpoint your operating belief, you can shift it to something more real and conducive to succeeding in ALL areas of your life.
Begin with the belief that while working late some nights or missing a dinner here and there may be necessary from time to time, personal sacrifice is a not long-term option.
What’s your underlying belief causing an imbalance in your work or home life?
3. What would it look like if you had it all?
When we work together, I ask leaders to visualize what their ideal work/life balance would look like, so they have a clear vision of where they’re headed. Once you have a vision, you can purposely create a pathway to achieve it.
My client visualized waking up around 7 am, spending an hour each morning with his family, exercising from 8 – 8:30 am, showering, and arriving at work no later than 9:30 am.
Then, he imagined leaving work by 5 pm, heading to the driving range with his friends or his wife, heading home to enjoy a family dinner, and settling down without a phone or computer by 10 pm so he could enjoy a full night’s sleep.
He now had a vision to spend more time with family and friends, exercise, and sleep better. Work was still the dominant part of his day, but it didn’t come at the cost of sacrificing the other things he deemed important.
4. What steps can you take to make it real?
Perhaps you can hire an assistant, delegate more to your team (or trust them more), or simply decide to create new boundaries that allow you to prioritize other things in addition to work.
My client hesitatingly tried his new schedule out for one week. He was worried his plan wouldn’t work and that either his employees would organize a mutiny, or that he’d be more stressed thinking about how much work he was missing.
After one week, the results became clear. He was happier and more relaxed. Nobody at work batted an eye. The business didn’t suffer at all – in fact, they had a fantastic week.
The plan not only worked, but he woke up every day more excited about work and his family. He was also pleasantly surprised to notice that he felt more present with both.
His biggest regret was that he didn’t do it sooner.
Gap Insight: Sometimes, to be happier or healthier, we simply need to make a plan and dive in. If it doesn’t work, you can always change the plan, but at least you’re working toward your goal of having it all.
Final Thoughts
What are you currently sacrificing for success or achievement (your health, fun, exercise, family time, sanity)?
What does work/life balance look like to YOU?
Most leaders and high achievers don’t know they can have it all. They often assume that sacrifice comes with the job.
It doesn’t have to, but it requires being aware of what you’re missing, pinpointing the underlying belief that’s driving your choices followed by a vision for what you really want.
You can change everything at once, or perhaps it’s a slow and gradual shift toward your ideal outcome. Either way, each step you take will bring you closer to where you want to be.
That’s how you create more balance and narrow the gap – one decision and one intentional step at the same time.
I’m a keynote speaker, life counselor, and executive coach. If your organization or company is looking for a speaker for your next event, or if you’re working through a particular challenge and wish to work one-on-one with me, please reach out!
